the prayer I have been praying for days

With the tragedy this week in Charleston I know that many are writing their thoughts and struggles. I have read some of those blog posts and they are cathartic and resonate with the same desperation, sadness, frustration that I too feel. 

This is not another one of those. Or maybe it is. 

This past week was Annual Conference and I came home angry, broken hearted, and frustrated and not just for the usual reasons. Thursday morning the news of Charleston broke. I caught it on the screen as I waited for my bagel. I don't watch the news. I say that I do this because it makes me trust people less and to some extent that is true. I think that Jack Johnson asks important questions about the news (Bad News)... how can we distance ourselves from the heartbreak of the world around us and just be so non-chalant about tragedy? I don't watch the news so I don't see it. 
It's how I distance myself from the pain of the world. I numb myself to the pain around me. I close my eyes when I see it. I avoid eye contact when I am confronted with it. I feed the needy, but I do it from Costco. I clothe the hungry, but I do it from the safety of the church drop box. 

And it's shameful. 

Friday morning, it was that time at Annual Conference where we vote on resolutions. A young(ish) clergy in seer-sucker pants stood up and called the question to vote on three resolutions that dealt with homosexuality. That meant no discussion. Just a vote. The motion passed and as we prepared to vote a brave youth delegate stood up and asked that we discuss it. She said she wanted to hear the points. She wanted to hear what the wisdom of the Christian body was so that she could understand for herself and make an informed decision. It didn't happen. 

We did not want to have uncomfortable conversation. 
We shut her down.
We taught her that we do not discuss things that matter deeply if they make us squirm in our seats.

I don't know how much longer we can live in our isolated worlds, our safe little bubbles, and claim that we are being faithful. 

I really have been struggling with this; I have felt convicted. So, I wrote this prayer because I have been praying it for days now. This is the prayer that I read it in worship this morning (without the explanation above). 

We, Merciful Creator, are yours

you formed each of us in our mother’s wombs, 

you called us all by our names,

you counted the hairs on our heads

and yet 

and still

and despite

we close our eyes

we harden our hearts

we allow ourselves to be numb

Help us, dear Lord, to not lean away from the numbness

it is far too comfortable to intellectualize the pain of this world

don’t let us become complacent with the pain in our homes, 

the pain in our community

the pain in our nation

the pain in your creation

Don’t let us think it is normal for people to die because of hatred

Don’t let us think it is explainable for people to harm one another

Don’t let us think that it is just a part of life

Please God, don’t let us be rational any more

When we try to go about our lives as if nothing is wrong; 

send us an obstacle to slow us down and make us more aware

You did this for Balaam, now do it for us

When we try to hush the questions because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable, convict us that you are in our seeking, our doubts, and our confusion

You did this for the early church, now do it for us

When we are so lost in our daily tasks that we won’t take time to love one another, to hear one another, to make a way for one another; 

wake us to you

You did this Jonah, now do this for us

We seek to be your people, to claim the promise that we are yours and you are ours, teach us what it means to be faithful, obedient, and true. 

As we gather here in prayer

we remember those 9 who gathered just days ago to pray as well

in this moment we remember them and we pray for those who loved them

In the silence of this moment we grieve with those who experience loss

We grieve with those churches that now have armed guards to keep them safe when they come into your dwelling place

It’s a hard thing to weep with those who weep

It is hard to associate with the lowly

it’s an even harder thing to pray for those who persecute, those who do evil, those who destroy

and yet that it what sets us a part as Christian

we don’t seek vengeance 

we don’t seek revenge

so this morning, gracious God, we pray your blessing upon Dylann Roof

And others like him

we pray your blessing upon all of those that break our hearts

we pray your blessing upon those that destroy our sense of security

we pray your blessing upon those that taunt us, that tease us, that long to torture us. 

We are different because of who you are, 

you are the sustainer

the creator

the Savior

Now Help us to believe it and to live it

we're probably not going to starve

Wednesday morning we woke up in a panic. Crap, what are we going to eat?
I did lots of research about what foods we could and could not eat before Ash Wednesday arrived.
I just didn't buy them.
I was a little busy. You know, writing sermons, preparing for Ash Wednesday, being trapped in the house while hell froze over and oozed it's nastiness on Atlanta.

So, Ash Wednesday mornings rolls around and we don't know what we are going to eat for breakfast.
Start singing "Panic" by The Smiths right now.
sing alone here

I made scrambled eggs. Jim made homemade bread. We lived. I went to Whole Foods.
I planned all of the dinners beforehand, but the other meals were a slight oversight.
It happens.

A couple of trips to Whole Foods and we are okay. No we don't need to only eat food only from Whole Foods, but it is far easier to find food without sugar there. And when you ask the staff questions about foods without added sugar, they don't look at you like you have a second head growing out of your shoulder... like this dude.

We ate out last night and since it was a place we eat at every week,  they already knew we were kind of special and didn't mind our questions about the ingredients. I didn't just have to eat salad. All good news.

It has quickly become part of our lives. Hannah seems to struggle the most (but she can speak to that herself). Carter and Jim just eat what you put in front of them, thankful they didn't have to prepare it. I keep cooking. They keep eating.

So, in case you were worried... we are not starving.

Ash Wednesday and Doing Hard Things

It has been so long since I blogged that I honestly couldn't remember which website hosted my blog. My mind is catching up with my saggy face, apparently. Or I just need more coffee.

Anyway, Ash Wednesday is upon us again and once again I have decided to use these 46 days to prove that we do hard things. Last year, I gave up making trash. This year, I am giving up eating foods with added sugar. Insert health warnings here.

look at all the tasty stuff with sugar!
No more pickled, yogurt sandwiches :( 

The thing about last year's Lenten sacrifice was that I had never given up something that caused me to
talk about it so much. Bringing your dishes and tupperware to a restaurant and your own food containers to Whole Foods does make you stand out. It also makes people wonder what kind of a nut you are...and they would ask... So, last year, I talked to people on the street about my Lenten Journey all the time. And by street I mean grocery store aisles and restaurant chairs. It changed how I shop. It changed how we eat (processed food contains lots of packaging). Many of those changes are still in effect in our lives.

So, why added sugar?

It's not just about eating better. It's not just about making a theological argument about stripping away the unhealthy in order to honor your body as a temple. Nor is it about stop sugar-coating the Gospel.

But I am doing this because I do hard things. Hard things are like shaving your legs. You do it whether you want to or not, but you do it because it is the least that you can do.
And sure, I may loose a few pounds.
But that's just a bonus.

We have already started to make the shift anticipating Wednesday. Jim made two loaves of bread with  honey yesterday. Yes, honey is allowed. It's completely natural and someone probably got stung getting it for me. So, they did hard things.

Stay tuned... I will share any freak outs or panics!

can we sin now?

That is the question that Hannah asked me this morning after we had a conversation about why I was home and what I was planning on doing today. Included on the list was a trip to Costco.

Costco was the epitome of "sin" for me over Lent. Everything in big, bulky packaging and individually wrapped. There are few exceptions there, like mangos, but for the most part it was not a place to be ventured into.

So, when Hannah heard that I was going to Costco today, her first question was, "can we sin now?" because she wanted me to buy string cheese.

Can we sin now?

dumping my "sin" box

I emptied my "sin box" yesterday. It was mostly filled with microwave popcorn wrappers.

Most of the items in the box where items of convenience. I could have made popcorn myself and it would have produced less waste, but I chose to do it the easy way knowing that there was a place for me to put my sin; a place where my sin would be eradicated on Easter morning as I dumped into the trash can. The connection between my "sin box" and the resurrection are clear... I trust you them to make them yourselves.

But this morning after Easter I am pondering how many times we turn our backs on things that we know we should do out of convenience or inconvenience...

how many times do we not give to those who ask because we don't want to stop and take the time?
how many times do we buy things heavily wrapped in plastic because we don't want to take the time to make them ourselves?
how many times do we simply go through the drive thru because we didn't make time to prepare something beforehand?


Sins of convenience are about taking the easy way. My journey of no trash this Lent has made me aware that there are many other alternatives to the simple way. Some of these ways I will continue...

like bringing my own cloth napkin/silverware to restaurants
using my metal straw
composting
not putting my english muffins on a paper towel in the morning, but using a plate
using my cloth bags at the store

Some things I won't continue...
like shaking my hands dry when I forget to bring a towel with me into the public bathroom


This endeavor has made more aware of packaging and waste, it has made more aware of freshness of food and has made me enjoy cooking (kinda). I have appreciated the challenge of Lent this year. It has made me aware and thoughtful about my witness and how we care for creation. I hope that you, too, found your journey from Ash Wednesday to Easter to be one that challenged you and prepared you to celebrate Easter morning.

It's time for me to eat my Girl Scout Cookies now. They have been waiting for me. :)

only a few short weeks until Easter...composting, trash, recycling and dog potty humor

I am sharing these photos even though I am sure that I am doing this wrong, despite my research. Notice no picture of the inside of the composting bin.

Composting. It seems like dumping old food and some lawn stuff in a bin every now and then would create nothing but extra steps. That's a good thing.

I trust it will one day do its magic.

It has also created addition leg work and well arm work and back work for Jim because you see

Scout loves the compost bin. She has dug and dug until she has made her way under the wall and into the delicious rotting food. I mean she will snatch contents left in toilet for an afternoon snack. Gross.

Nothing says no licking my face ever again like catching that one. Then you just hope that it doesn't make your dog sick. That's the salt in the wound.
Just don't yell, hey--that looks familiar. Yuck.

Anyway, dogs aren't known for their delicate palates.

So, Jim nailed some boards around the base and this has kept the dog out for 3 whole days now. It's a record. Here are some pictures of her today trying to get to the onions, bananas, and coffee grounds.

So I did Jim a real solid today and took out the trash and the recycling bin. I thought that you would want  to see the difference. I may completely underestimate your interest in my life, but I am not known for my under sharing. 

 Inside of the black garbage bag is the one bag that I collected from the house--the white kitchen bag was less than half full. There was some other stuff in the black bag in the garage--wondering if it is more than one week.  But as I type this, I realize that I should have emptied the white bag into the black. Oops. 

But the recycling container is pretty close to full.

Now, I realize that my goal was to not produce trash. so why am I showing you trash? 

That trash comes from those other people who live in this house with me. 

No one say, let he who is without sin...

My trash goes in my sin box. 

and I haven't had to get a new one or a bigger one yet. 

so, there.

The rest of the family has produced a little trash, but it is far less than it was and we are all constantly aware of the products that we buy, what we bring home and figuring out how to reuse it or recycle it.  

don't bother looking for the wine bottles...

day 28...dude, I totally get the Amish now

Amish butter.
Yes, please, Jesus.

They sell it at Harry's (Whole Foods) and when I saw it last week, I was so excited to see this beautiful log of dairy goodness. It costs $10, but come on...It's a log of butter!

                                                                 I mean look at it!

Not only is this beautiful log of butter delicious, but it is far easier to deal with one wrapper at the end of the consumption instead of lots of little wrappers that might equal the same size, but with one large waxed wrapper I can reuse it for other things. So, yeah, Amish butter. 

Jim laughed at me. But, come on. You see the awesomeness, right? 

Second, I was thinking about community. Maybe, because I was putting some butter in the butter bell and the Amish certainly live in community, like the Jews (in particular Orthodox). Both religious groups live isolated from the world for several reasons. 

It is far easier to live a life set apart if you are with people who are also trying to live a life set apart. 

It is far easier to keep your difficult Lenten journey moving in the right direction when you are with people who are supporting you. 

So, today I give thanks to those that work with me and not against me...

... like the restaurants that let me use my own cup

... like my friends that pick restaurants that don't make it hard for me to make good environmental choices

... like people who bring me tasty treats in recyclable containers and clearly mark it so that I don't have to stand there and wonder what I am going to do with the container.

Thanks for the tasty food and earthly friendly container! 

I will post about composting on my next blog!  

day ___ who knows, really...isn't He risen yet?

I really haven't written because there hasn't been much new to say.

Every day I pack my Kashi blueberry waffle bag with a clean cloth napkin, metal straw and silverware. I usually just use them instead of the ones that the restaurant provides if I eat out. Probably more hygienic anyway.

Jim made me a compost "box" out back that we use daily.
Scout loves it.
Figures.

The "sin box" continues to get more full and I have realized that plastic is the anti-christ.
And why do people keep trying to put their trash in my "sin box"--they need to get their own sin box or just throw it away. My box is no scape goat for you. That's all I am saying,

stupid "sin box"

I have really struggled with being a Pharisee as people have offered to take my trash for me and to throw it away.  Thanks for offering to take my mint wrapper. They are piling up in the bottom of my purse. But I am going to have to remove them soon and add them to my box.

And my apologies to Mt Pisgah UMC for forgetting to take my "sin" with me this morning, but really, what I need you to do is find some more environmentally friendly coffee cups and plates than those plastic monstrosities that you offer people. (diverting my sin here) I used them because it was a district clergy meeting and really it is amazing people weren't whipping out flasks at that 3 hour thing and I was going to bring it home and add it to my box, but I forgot. I don't know what to do to make that right. I need Jesus to atone for that one.

Also, I should confess that I bought crescent rolls today and string cheese. The only reason why I did it is because Hannah is having surgery tomorrow and that is part of what she asked for to have tomorrow--dinner request for tilapia and crescent rolls. String Cheese for recovery food. Since it is surgery, I decided to get her favorite things. Willingly breaking my Lenten sacrifice. But I am thinking about Jesus and the spirit of the law verses the letter of the law and I think that in this case, it would probably be acceptable.